Monday Bitch: Daniel Snyder

Brad Johnson, Jeff George, Tony Banks, Shane Mathews, Patrick Ramsey, Danny Wuerfell, LegendTim Hasselbeck, Mark Brunell, Jason Campbell, Tod Collins, Donovan McNabb, Rex Grossman, John Beck, Robert Griffin III, Colt McCoy, Kirk Cousins… What does everyone on this needlessly long list of names have in common?  They have started at the Quarterback position under the ownership of this knucklehead.  While it’s no Cleveland Browns situation, the list shows the complete instability of the third highest revenue generating NFL franchise.  The Redskins are one of the great NFL franchises but have been 125-162-1 and been to the playoffs only 5 times with 2 playoffs wins in the last 18 years.

So, what is the issue?  First, this micromanaging psychopath can’t let anyone do their jobs.  Ex-general managers and coaches alike have reported in confidence that the relinquishing of the reigns in public is completely for show.  This even extends to winning coaches that ignore his “advice”.  This action generally leads to break downs in communication and a hostile relationship. Washington Post Writer Sally Jenkins reports that Snyder often uses the tactic of suggesting a free agent to play the expensive live version of fantasy football he inflicts on the Washington faithful.  If a coach doesn’t submit to this grown-up adaptation of bullying they’re often forced out soon after.  Wait did Tuck Sauce just quote a source?  F*** yea I did!  Actual journalism going on at SBDS!  Anyone I digress from my tirade targeted at the bane of my existence.  Like bro, if Albert Haynesworth was completely my damn idea, I might take a break from berating my GMs.

Let’s talk about the final piece of this calamity; the fan experience.  You would think that the Redskins would be able to provide a decent fan experience since they can’t put a product onto the field.  But they don’t.  I haven’t been to every stadium in the NFL circuit but the games I’ve seen at Heinz Field, Bank of America, M&T Bank, and Lambeau are infinitely better than what I’ve had to experience at FedEx.  Now look, if you spend the money and get a club seat or a box seat it is a great experience inside.  However, FedEx is on the end of a metro line and that stop is a mile away from the stadium.  Additionally, if FedEx Fieldyou decide to drive; traffic is an absolute shambles.  Oh, and once you’re there, this douche nugget charges in certain areas for people to tailgate to drive them under the Bud light tent so you have the privilege of purchasing $14 dollar pints.  And don’t get me started on the cave.  Here’s a picture of an actual seat in FedEx from the cave that I took.  My seats were only 3 over from this disgrace.  Like da fuq?

Daniel Snyder is a typical example of a billionaire that treats his investment better than a drunken Bostonian treats his red headed step child.  Both passive aggressively criticizing and damaging self confidence in any way possible, and then cashing the kid’s paycheck he got from bagging groceries so he can buy another 40 of OE or whatever the hell they drink north of the Mason Dixon Line.  Was that a run-on sentence?  Damn I guess the illusion of actual semi-journalism is completely shattered.  But that’s how angry this dude makes me.

PS. Can you just sign Kirk Cousins to a long-term deal so we don’t have to start Brian Kirk CousinsHoyer in 2018? K, thanks!

Look, at the end of the day the dude has some massive cash and is making a lot of money, so you’d figure he’s not a complete and total idiot.  And it is technically his team.  However, braj if we stop buying jerseys and going to games because we get treated like a rock you’re trying to squeeze blood out of, that money is going dry up.  Damn, who am I kidding… is it football season yet?

Burying Hambino

I am only writing this article because Hambino bitched and moaned about me burying his mock draft post with something entertaining.  And because of that I decided to bury it with another article.  So, suck it.

While we’re at it Hambino continually calls me a glory hunter and how much better my life is as a sports fan is than his.  But let’s face it.  I would rather win championships than be a better team most years.  Who the hell cares if the last five years the Redskins have been better than the Buccaneers.  I can’t remember a Redskins Super Bowl yet he can remember a Bucs.  We’ve agreed on this point many times but for some reason he continually ignores it because the fact doesn’t validate his argument.  Typical Hambino with his alternative facts.  Let’s lay it out on the line here.  He may not be a die-hard just how I am not for some of these teams but here it is on the line.

He’s a Swansea fan, which granted sucks.  Being a Chelsea fan is fantastic compared to that joke of a club.  We’ve already covered the football route so he wins there.  Baseball he’s at least got to see the Rays go to a series while my Orioles can’t seem to make it past the ALDS.  Same argument holds up in Basketball.  The Wizards are finally good enough to run right into Lebron James at the height of his game while he’s seen his Magic get to a final.  Oh, and don’t get me started on my ever-disappointing heartbreak that is the Washington Capitals.

In summation, Hambino stop your bitching about how I am such a glory hunter.  I would rather watch anxiety free a terrible team with no chance punctuated by Championships than this continual mediocrity and heartbreak that is my sporting life.  At least we can both agree on the Noles and USMNT.  

Six Games at the Same time? No Problem!

Abstract:

Here at SBDS we pride ourselves on answering those age old questions sports fans ask on a daily basis.  The continually debatable subjects such as whose better Jack or Tiger, and Messi or Ronaldo take up hours of our day and we respect all input on these matters (BTW its Tiger and Messi and if you disagree you’re completely and totally wrong.  Your opinion is completely invalid on all things.  Move back to the Land of Terrible decisions you’re no longer welcome here).  After weeks in the SBDS Lab (30 minutes in a media room) while assembling millions of key data points (a cider and 3 IPAs) I will attempt to answer that age old question.  I have 6 games I need to watch all at the same time, where the hell do I watch it?

 

Baller on a Budget:

You wake up at 9:30 on a Saturday morning.  As the self-imposed fog drifts slowly Image result for hungover money memefrom your head, one thought comes to the forefront.  How much money did I spend last night?  You open your computer to check your credit card statement but it’s still in pending charges.  You’re hungover and who has time for math.  Plus, did you leave a 5-dollar tip or was it 50 because you thought the bartender was hot.  Can you afford to get to the pub to watch the morning matches knowing that inevitable meteor of pending charges could ruin your rent payment like a Mexican dinosaur?

Relax brah.  It’s not the end of the world.  Dig out the kit, find as many things with screens as humanly possible, pray you payed your internet bill this month, and dig into whatever left over alcohol you have around the house.  Now is not the time to get all hipstery.  Trust me that quarter fifth of vodka some girl left at your apartment a month ago and the 4 natty lights in the back of your fridge will do fine.  Get rid of that hangover and enjoy the 8000 games you can stream and watch on a daily basis.

 

Somewhere with a View:

Girls.  Relax.  When your man says Hooters has good wings, it is true.  Now its complete and utter bullshit that’s the reason he wants to go.  But as we know Saturdays are for the boys and your opinion doesn’t matter in this situation.  Alabama vs Texas A&M and Michigan vs Iowa is on at exactly the same time and unless Ms. Reader you have something more appetizing to the male mind on a Saturday afternoon than wings, college football, and girls, just relax.  You can yell at him tomorrow.

Image result for hooters meme                Guys.  Besides getting yelled at for this trip to a delightfully tacky restaurant be warned.  First off, the image you’ve built in your mind that Scarlett Johansson works at the Tilted Kilt is really misplaced.  Usually, the girls are contact attractive at best.  Plus, if you happen to be a fan of Central Michigan or any semi-obscure team or sport you’re going have a hard time.  I’ve had many a discussion with these, ummm, waitresses, where my frustration to get ESPN Classic turned over to something that is going on right now has ended with me leaving before even ordering a beer.  The waitresses aren’t there to get your game on unfortunately.

 

Your Teams Bar:

The NFL is awesome.  Well besides Rodger Goodell.   And the fact that there’s Image result for sports bar memepretty much a 50/50 chance that the New England Tom Brady’s win the super bowl that year.  However, nothing beats going down the local watering hole with all of the boys to watch the Redskins go 8-8 on the year.  Mostly because they put the sound on!  What a novel idea for a sports bar to play the noise of a game rather than letting some tattooed biker chick put an entire album of Metallica on the electric juke box.  And no none of the selected songs are Enter Sandman cause that’s not their real shit obviously.  But I digress.

Your local pub is like a party you are having at your home but you don’t have to clean up and you spend a lot more money.  However, if god forbid you’re playing the Packers that week and Aaron Rodgers decides to show up, you’re down 30 at the half it can get kind of boring.  You want to see how Antonio Brown is doing. because at this point your fantasy team, is the priority.  However, some 60-year-old guy with a beer pyramid of Miller High Life doesn’t want one of the forty-five tv’s changed because this is an insert team name here bar.  Whatever, dude.

 

The Generics:

                I’m going reverse the trend of this article.  And I know it goes away from the flow and as a writer you aren’t supposed to do that but I really don’t give a shit.  So let’s start with the negatives.  Most generic sports bars have a lot of issues.  Generally, you’re drinking over-priced beer from tap lines that haven’t been cleaned since the last time the Cowboys won a super bowl.  You’re eating dried out, obviously frozen wings that somehow cost you 9.99 for 7 of them.  The game you want to see is on the 24 inch flat screen in the corner despite there being 100 other TVs.  Oh, and it kind of smells like pee.Image result for buffalo wild wing meme

However, if there is a day I have 4 or 5 games I want to watch at one time, there’s really only one place I go.  And no I am not getting paid to say this but if they want to throw me some gift cards for the shout out I won’t turn it down.  I end up at Buffalo Wild Wings.  The wings are better than average most of the time.  If you get the beer of the month its relatively cheap.  A manager comes by and ASKS you if you have the games on that you want.  What a novel concept!  And, if you ask really nicely, sometimes they’ll but the noise on for you.  Depending on your region of the country Zipps and Wild Wing are also generally really good about this.  However, if you got some cash money to spend and several games to watch, look for the Yellow Sign and Black Buffalo.

The Redskins Should Keep Their Name

I just want to start this article by saying I’m not going to argue some BS about how the Redskin name is supposed to be a tribute to the native tribes.  The Landover based team is not named the Blackhawks, or Utes, or Seminoles, it is a generalized term for a large group of people in the US.  My argument is not based on whether this term could be offensive but rather that we have made a mountain out of a mole hill.  That no matter how much the small percentage of the USA might find it offensive, for the most part no one even thinks about.

The Redskins are one of the most historic franchises in the NFL.  They rank 6th all time in Super Bowl wins and appearances, and are the 3rd most valuable franchise in the NFL.  The team name has been a constant since 1933 when the team changed its name from the Braves to avoid being confused with the local Boston Braves baseball team.  Since their move to Griffith Stadium in DC in 1937, the once New England has become a Mid-Atlantic staple.

redskins                In recent years the Redskins have come under scrutiny from many different groups about changing their name.  One of the most notable was led by the Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism who wrote an open letter to the team president demanding the team name be changed.  This was a follow up movement from a 1992 resolution by the Conference of American Rabbis that called for the team to change its name.  However, when a sample of Native Americans where asked if they found the name offensive by the Washington Post 89 percent found the name non-offensive.  They say the NFL is microcosm of the problems in the US and this couldn’t be more of an example.  Small minorities of people, who aren’t even related to the problem, find it offensive and therefore complain the loudest.

American people have the right to vote not just in the polls but with their wallet.  Right now the Redskins are one of the most supported teams in the country not just with the amount of fans they have, but the revenues they make ($381 Million in 2012 according to Forbes).  If a majority of people in the US found the name offensive they would not purchase the Redskins trademark.  This would then force the Redskins to change their name because of the lost revenues.  The NFL reluctance to force the Redskins to change means they have also realized this fact.  If Americans really found the name offensive they wouldn’t buy RG3 jerseys or HTTR hats in droves.

The Redskins brand has overcome its sub-racist beginnings over the years.  Even though there are Native-American rg3overtones throughout the franchise the team has become more than that.  For years DC had only the Redskins and a struggling hockey team to cheer for.  During this time the Redskins have become a source of pride for us local DC natives.  It doesn’t take someone long at FedEx to realize how proud we are of our franchise.  And people stop suing Dan Snyder to change the name because it doesn’t belong to him.  The name belongs to the city and its people and I’m proud to chant out every Sunday “Hail to the Redskins! Hail Victory! Braves on the Warpath! FIGHT FOR ALL DC!”