Monday Bitch: Daniel Snyder

Brad Johnson, Jeff George, Tony Banks, Shane Mathews, Patrick Ramsey, Danny Wuerfell, LegendTim Hasselbeck, Mark Brunell, Jason Campbell, Tod Collins, Donovan McNabb, Rex Grossman, John Beck, Robert Griffin III, Colt McCoy, Kirk Cousins… What does everyone on this needlessly long list of names have in common?  They have started at the Quarterback position under the ownership of this knucklehead.  While it’s no Cleveland Browns situation, the list shows the complete instability of the third highest revenue generating NFL franchise.  The Redskins are one of the great NFL franchises but have been 125-162-1 and been to the playoffs only 5 times with 2 playoffs wins in the last 18 years.

So, what is the issue?  First, this micromanaging psychopath can’t let anyone do their jobs.  Ex-general managers and coaches alike have reported in confidence that the relinquishing of the reigns in public is completely for show.  This even extends to winning coaches that ignore his “advice”.  This action generally leads to break downs in communication and a hostile relationship. Washington Post Writer Sally Jenkins reports that Snyder often uses the tactic of suggesting a free agent to play the expensive live version of fantasy football he inflicts on the Washington faithful.  If a coach doesn’t submit to this grown-up adaptation of bullying they’re often forced out soon after.  Wait did Tuck Sauce just quote a source?  F*** yea I did!  Actual journalism going on at SBDS!  Anyone I digress from my tirade targeted at the bane of my existence.  Like bro, if Albert Haynesworth was completely my damn idea, I might take a break from berating my GMs.

Let’s talk about the final piece of this calamity; the fan experience.  You would think that the Redskins would be able to provide a decent fan experience since they can’t put a product onto the field.  But they don’t.  I haven’t been to every stadium in the NFL circuit but the games I’ve seen at Heinz Field, Bank of America, M&T Bank, and Lambeau are infinitely better than what I’ve had to experience at FedEx.  Now look, if you spend the money and get a club seat or a box seat it is a great experience inside.  However, FedEx is on the end of a metro line and that stop is a mile away from the stadium.  Additionally, if FedEx Fieldyou decide to drive; traffic is an absolute shambles.  Oh, and once you’re there, this douche nugget charges in certain areas for people to tailgate to drive them under the Bud light tent so you have the privilege of purchasing $14 dollar pints.  And don’t get me started on the cave.  Here’s a picture of an actual seat in FedEx from the cave that I took.  My seats were only 3 over from this disgrace.  Like da fuq?

Daniel Snyder is a typical example of a billionaire that treats his investment better than a drunken Bostonian treats his red headed step child.  Both passive aggressively criticizing and damaging self confidence in any way possible, and then cashing the kid’s paycheck he got from bagging groceries so he can buy another 40 of OE or whatever the hell they drink north of the Mason Dixon Line.  Was that a run-on sentence?  Damn I guess the illusion of actual semi-journalism is completely shattered.  But that’s how angry this dude makes me.

PS. Can you just sign Kirk Cousins to a long-term deal so we don’t have to start Brian Kirk CousinsHoyer in 2018? K, thanks!

Look, at the end of the day the dude has some massive cash and is making a lot of money, so you’d figure he’s not a complete and total idiot.  And it is technically his team.  However, braj if we stop buying jerseys and going to games because we get treated like a rock you’re trying to squeeze blood out of, that money is going dry up.  Damn, who am I kidding… is it football season yet?

Why You Are Wrong About LaVar Ball

I assume everyone will hate me after this but I don’t give a flying F-ety F.  So here we go….

Let me start by saying I may not totally agree with everything that LaVar rattles out of his mouth however I am here to do what no one else seems to do and that is defend this guy.  Now many of you may not know but there are three pretty, ehhhhh actually 2, talented kids named Lonzo, some middle kid who sucks, and then Lamello Ball who dropped 92 points on kids in a high school game.  They are of course overshadowed by the man in all the headlines by, their father, LaVar Ball.  I am actually pretty sick of the exposure he is getting already but it made me think this guy is a f-ing genius.  Take your hater-blockers off and look at it from the other side…..

I think LaVar is not as dumb/bad as people think.  He is taking a unknown route to build his brand BBB, Big Baller Brand, by not just signing off to Nike, Adidas, whoever the else makes basketball shoes.  Can we just stop for a second and think of how genius that marketing ploy is?  If you wear my stuff you are a Big Baller.  If you don’t you are a nobody.  That is elitist as it get in terms of ego and let’s be honest people eat that s^%& up.  Love that by the way.  While I do think that is dumb to initially turn down the guaranteed money and then just parlay Lonzo’s success into BBB, I got to give him credit on this point because the man knows how to market BBB.  Surely you have let it cross your mind that he says stupid things like “I would be Jordan in his prime” to create the headline.  He makes that kind of comment and it’s all over Facebook, Twitter, TV, morning shows, and radio outlets everywhere and guess what is all over the news?  LaVar wearing/talking about his kids brand.  FREE ADVERTISING.  I would love to see how much Nike or Adidas would have to pay to get that kind of free airtime.  That is a major companies wet dream.  This guy gets it all for free.  And people eat it up.  He is the talk around every water cooler at work.  Oh and did I mention he even found a way to shut the loudest guy on TV, Stephen A Smith, up?  Yep….

People always think of the pressure LaVar is putting on his kids but have you thought about it from the other side.  Think of how much pressure he is taking off?  For example the middle kid who sucks he is getting a full ride to UCLA….UCLA!  One of the most prestigious college basketball universities in the country.   If he didn’t negotiate that 3 for 1 (you get all kids or no kids) deal with UCLA do you think that kid would be getting that full ride?  Hell no.  Instead, he would be grinding to get into some lower D1 or D2 school getting pennies on the dollar compared to what that scholarship is worth.  I remember when I was in school I was grinding to get into FSU (insert some Gator joke about FSU being a shit school go ahead).  Anyways, that was a lot of stress.  These last two kids don’t have anything to worry about!  Let’s play the hypothetical and if Lonzo did only want to play for the Lakers or did want his own shoe brand he hasn’t had to be the one to come say it and look like that cocky 18-19 year old kid talking game he hasn’t earned.  LaVar does that for them!  He plays the villain.  I actually hear how many times that people go “Man I feel bad for these kids that they have such a shitty dad”.  Even people feel for the kids!  LaVar takes all of the criticism and deflects it off of his kids.  Is that not the definition of a good dad?  In the coaching world you are lauded for that, but this man is crucified?  Hypocritical.

Image result for lavar Ball

LaVar didn’t put his kids in AAU ball because he didn’t want them to play with kids who were already studs.  He wanted them to play with kids who had lesser ability so he could get his boys to raise the abilities of the other kids he was playing with.  Don’t bring up the younger brother dropping 92 because that was a high school game.  Not AAU.  Instead LaVar had his kids playing against older kids at a young age.  11 years old Lonzo was playing against 15 and 16 year old players.  I don’t care how talented you are go pick out a 16 year old high school kid and pick out some dweeb 11 year old and there is a HUGE difference in height, weight, maturity, skill.  He could have been playing against some of the same aged kids beating up on some bum AAU teams in the summer but instead he was getting his A$$ handed to by older kids.  You grow up quick like that.

Finally, LaVar Ball has managed to raise three, from what we can tell so far, pretty well rounded kids.  Take LaVar out of this, I have never heard Lonzo say anything from HIS mouth that seemed outlandish or crazy.  He is a pretty well-mannered kid and soft spoken which is crazy given the fact that he is 19 and has been a superstar since birth. We don’t hear him saying his teammates sucked at UCLA.   I don’t hear him coming out and saying he wants to ONLY go to the Lakers.  Sure does he WANT to go to the Lakers?  Absolutely, he is a hometown kid.  What kid wouldn’t want to go to their childhood team?  If I was a high school football stud I wouldn’t even need a visit to another school because it would be FSU by a mile.  Bucs for NFL, Magic for NBA, Swansea for soccer.  No brainer.

Image result for fsu kid flicking off

Look there is 98% more people hating on LaVar but I tend to think it’s a bit of wizardry.  I commend him for being so different in a world of sheep.  I don’t know how this story will end but god I can’t wait.

#HambinoOut

My Monday Bitch: Jordan Spieth

Look for the last two years I have been this guy’s biggest fan.  His run in 2015 was Jordanunbelievable.  While it wasn’t the sought-after year grand slam, he won two majors, came in 2nd in a third and was a shot off a playoff in the 4th.  He was America’s golden boy, the person to carry American golf back to the forefront. He is dating his high school sweet heart and has a special needs sister he is heavily involved with. He was the one accomplishing what Ricky and Dustin couldn’t do.  But finally, after this weekend, I’m done with him.

Let’s start with how he continually barks at his caddie.  Originally, I admired this as a conversation of two team members plotting their way towards victory.  The outspoken and explosive Spieth and his mild mannered, calming rock Michael Greller making their way around the golf course.  Now, I am so sick of listening to him berate this poor dude on his bag.  I’ve been there as a caddie.  And I get after you chunk a 9 iron that costs you a 7 on a par 3 you want someone to blame.  But shit dude, I didn’t make the swing, I’m just here to give you a yardage and fill your divots.  So, shut the hell up and take some of the blame.

Speaking of taking some responsibility.  After nubbing a 9 iron into the face of a bunker and having to play the same shot over doesn’t make it “the dumbest hole you’ve ever played in your life”.  I mean bro, I’ve made a lot of doubles in my life.  And yes, if you are playing a municipal club with the tee box lined up at a 90-degree angle to the fairway, that’s 420 yards long, a fairway 15 yards wide, with OB lining either side and you have to play your second out of a divot that hasn’t been filled into to a bunker that hasn’t been raked since the Eisenhower administration, you can bitch about how stupid a hole is.  And yes, that hole exists and it’s not on a major championship course.

you're annoyingFinally, we can move on to what started this whole gripe.  Him taking a picture of a poorly raked bunker at the Players Championship this weekend.  Really, bro? Seriously?  First of all, 12 shot penalty for breaking out your phone. It’s not spring break, and as much as I love snap chat, this isn’t your Saturday morning round with the boys with Toto’s Africa piping over the jambox.  Which is probably what you were doing two days later since you didn’t make the cut you child.

I could tolerate all this immature nonsense if it wasn’t how much time he spent on TV.  Not only am I forced to deal with his constant bitching because he’s popular but also because he’d be the slowest player on the golf course during a Sunday morning match.  He’d be the dickhead grinding over a 3-foot putt in a 5 dollar Nassau and bitching when he missed it because there was a spike mark in his way.  Like bro get over yourself and get back to playing golf.

Keystone Key’s To Victory – DFS NASCAR

***BREAKING***

SBDS is picking up a ton of celebs since we relaunched and he’s here to slay the DFS NASCAR game.  Now if some of you missed it because you were clowning around at work or making your wife a sandwich because she’s got your balls then you aren’t making money on our DFS PGA article by Tony.  Safe to say he’s already cashing.  Matter of fact, I think I will go take my future winnings to the casino tonight and lay it on double zero and retire.  EASY MONEY.  However I like to #RiseAndGrind so I’m not going to just stop with my millions in DFS Golf.  I am going to take down NASCAR and we wan’t you to join.

Little backstory on our main man Matt Will:

  • He grew up outside of  Beckham Town, Florida.  If that doesn’t stick out as an automatic winner on the resume for “NASCAR Expert” I don’t know what will.
  • This guy has so much useless/fascinating information Jeopardy hired him to create the questions.
  • Try and find the last guy who called him a ginger…little hint, you wont find him because he is #SixFeetDeep
  • He once downed an 18 pack of Keystone before Danica Patrick finished a lap at Daytona.
  • He owns more guns than Russia.
  • ‘Merica
  • You want to know why you don’t hear about Sterling Marlin anymore?  You guessed it…#SixFeetDeep….#RIP#3 #YOUMYBOYDALE

So without further adieu, we bring you your second, or third paycheck if you did our PGA DFS, paycheck of the week.

 

Burying Hambino

I am only writing this article because Hambino bitched and moaned about me burying his mock draft post with something entertaining.  And because of that I decided to bury it with another article.  So, suck it.

While we’re at it Hambino continually calls me a glory hunter and how much better my life is as a sports fan is than his.  But let’s face it.  I would rather win championships than be a better team most years.  Who the hell cares if the last five years the Redskins have been better than the Buccaneers.  I can’t remember a Redskins Super Bowl yet he can remember a Bucs.  We’ve agreed on this point many times but for some reason he continually ignores it because the fact doesn’t validate his argument.  Typical Hambino with his alternative facts.  Let’s lay it out on the line here.  He may not be a die-hard just how I am not for some of these teams but here it is on the line.

He’s a Swansea fan, which granted sucks.  Being a Chelsea fan is fantastic compared to that joke of a club.  We’ve already covered the football route so he wins there.  Baseball he’s at least got to see the Rays go to a series while my Orioles can’t seem to make it past the ALDS.  Same argument holds up in Basketball.  The Wizards are finally good enough to run right into Lebron James at the height of his game while he’s seen his Magic get to a final.  Oh, and don’t get me started on my ever-disappointing heartbreak that is the Washington Capitals.

In summation, Hambino stop your bitching about how I am such a glory hunter.  I would rather watch anxiety free a terrible team with no chance punctuated by Championships than this continual mediocrity and heartbreak that is my sporting life.  At least we can both agree on the Noles and USMNT.  

Mock Draft – Six Beers Deep Edition

Look we are all guilty of clicking on the links that McShay or Kiper make to see where they see our beloved teams taking some player that they ultimately won’t take.  Let’s be honest outside of the top 5 picks they normally butcher this.  I wonder who is more accurate, a weather man in Florida in the summer or these jabronies.

Our pal Jason came up with an idea in our Dynasty Fantasy League that we should make the draft a game.  I mean what’s better than throwing $20 on your mock draft hoping its right so you can hold it over your buddies heads for years to come?  So I figured we would share our knowledge to you the followers to get a real insight on what is actually going down tonight.  Let me breakdown the game:

  • Correct team picking on the clock at that spot – 10 points (Cleveland picking at 1.01)
  • Offensive player picked or defensive – 10 points
  • Position of the player – 15 points
  • Exact player picked – 25 points

***Side note don’t do these picks six beers deep or you end up without the potential #1 pick in the draft in your mock.  I am referring to the fact I forgot Mitchell Trubisky in the mock.  Oh well.  Got to give the others a chance.

WHO YA GOT?!?

So without further ado here are the mocks:

Ian Hambino Shefter 

Ian

Jason Jaworski 

Jason

Mike Werder (Formally of ESPN)

Mike

Richmond Collinsworth

Richmond

Charles Dilfer (Formally of ESPN)

Charlie

I’ll Have….Another One

America and tailgating go hand in hand.  One is not truly an American unless he/she can successfully set up a tailgate.  *** Side note *** If “she” is planning the tailgate you need to go buy a ring and propose on the spot.  Those are like unicorns.  You hear about them but you have never actually seen one in the wild.  Back to reality,  so the question is when you’re setting up your tailgate for the big game what do you go with?  How do you know what beers to bring to please the people?  Are you normal for wanting PBR’s?  Well thanks to Vine Pair we have some numbers.  But we didn’t want some numbers and to just move on.  We like to analyze what we have been given and make sense of this glorious piece of information.
Beer.png

So as you can see the 20 most popular beers include some of the big boys, Bud Light, Coors Light, Miller light, etc….But even a blind man could have told you in some way or another that those would be at the top. If you want to play the percentages then you have to go with Bud Light, Coors Light and Miller Light at your tailgate.  Let’s be honest, if we have to tell you that then you really shouldn’t be hosting a tailgate. However, after we get past the commercial kings that is where things really get fun.

Much to Trump’s dismay, and your wallet, Mexican import Corona comes in at #5.  Much like Trump’s policies Corona, from my experience, can split a room.  People hate it or love it.  If it is alcohol and you can put a lime in it to make it bearable I am all for it.  We all know a couple of those leads to a tequila shot, which leads to a night out, which leads to epic stories.  So if that’s what I get with a Corona sign me up.  Probably not the best tailgating beer but on a boat or in a bar can’t go wrong there.

The most fascinating part of this is how much the college kids boost the rankings of Natty Light, Busch Light and Keystone Light.  If you went to college and didn’t have a good ole Natty you are either going to Harvard, Yale, Cornell, where you are already so loaded that you don’t drink cheap beer or you are “one of those guys”.   Natty was the life line for me in college.  Hit the sketchiest gas station you could and throw the guy a $5 and your fake ID.  Once you built a rapport with the guy you were in there like swimwear.  But heaven forbid that man took a day off!  Saturday night when the crew was counting on you and you walk in and saw your boy wasn’t behind the counter it turned into a scene from Superbad and I was McLovin…

You could always spot the underage kid buying the beer with the fake ID when he was looking for Natty and Keystone.  But after a certain point surely you move on right?  It’s either fewer people move on than I thought or freshman in college are going HAM in the frat houses because they are killing it in sales and these beers are shit.  Regardless, if you’re at a college tailgate you better be ready to go back in time and Nata-pult some beers.  If you’re trying to die on a serious budget go for the Natural Ice.  Good luck waking up the next day after pounding those.

Apparently if you’re going to tailgate with some beer snobs but you’re on a budget according to BA score, whatever the F&%$ that is, then Miller Life and PBR are for you!  I guess this BA thing must be something relevant and some how Miller and PBR came in with scores of 63 and 68 respectively and the average cost is $15 a case!  What a deal!  Compare that with Natty at 43! With an alcohol percentage of 4.6 for Miller and 4.75 for PBR you can smash, please the snobs, and keep money in your wallet!  Who would have known!?

Don’t tailgate with Yuengling or Heineken.  You will end up with way too many to take home. NEXT…..

The last thing that stuck out to me when I was looking at this chart was this Bud Light Lime Straw-ber-rita thing.  Let make one thing clear, we all address the elephant in the room at some point after we get what we want and that is what do the ladies want?  We always look for the girliest drinks.  You can’t go wrong with Bud Light Lime but I didn’t even know this was a thing until this report from VinePair but I would have bought this for sure.  Here’s the only problem with this mystery beer?  Wait is this really a beer?   Anyways the problem is it is a whopping 8% ABV!   If you buy this for your girl and her friends and they are downing them in between selfies and bathroom breaks you are going to be carrying her home instead of the game.  Girls don’t normally drink more than guys as it is, unless your name is Tucker, so if you give them 4 of these puppies you’re screwed!  Good news is for us is this costs a boat load of money so you shouldn’t have too many of them in your ice chest of beers.

So what did we learn today?  Apparently America gives zero f&%$’s about this BA Score thing. You can’t go wrong with the ole reliable Bud Light, Coors, and Miller Light at your tailgate.  If you want to go international you go Corona.  Budget you stick with Natty, Keystone or High Life.  Want to die you go with Natural Ice or Bud Light Platinum.  If you want to be bringing your girl, or Tucker, home on a stretcher pick them up a case of these Straw-ber-itas.

beer

We’re close to Saturday.  Stay thirsty.  #SAFTB