Why You Are Wrong About LaVar Ball

I assume everyone will hate me after this but I don’t give a flying F-ety F.  So here we go….

Let me start by saying I may not totally agree with everything that LaVar rattles out of his mouth however I am here to do what no one else seems to do and that is defend this guy.  Now many of you may not know but there are three pretty, ehhhhh actually 2, talented kids named Lonzo, some middle kid who sucks, and then Lamello Ball who dropped 92 points on kids in a high school game.  They are of course overshadowed by the man in all the headlines by, their father, LaVar Ball.  I am actually pretty sick of the exposure he is getting already but it made me think this guy is a f-ing genius.  Take your hater-blockers off and look at it from the other side…..

I think LaVar is not as dumb/bad as people think.  He is taking a unknown route to build his brand BBB, Big Baller Brand, by not just signing off to Nike, Adidas, whoever the else makes basketball shoes.  Can we just stop for a second and think of how genius that marketing ploy is?  If you wear my stuff you are a Big Baller.  If you don’t you are a nobody.  That is elitist as it get in terms of ego and let’s be honest people eat that s^%& up.  Love that by the way.  While I do think that is dumb to initially turn down the guaranteed money and then just parlay Lonzo’s success into BBB, I got to give him credit on this point because the man knows how to market BBB.  Surely you have let it cross your mind that he says stupid things like “I would be Jordan in his prime” to create the headline.  He makes that kind of comment and it’s all over Facebook, Twitter, TV, morning shows, and radio outlets everywhere and guess what is all over the news?  LaVar wearing/talking about his kids brand.  FREE ADVERTISING.  I would love to see how much Nike or Adidas would have to pay to get that kind of free airtime.  That is a major companies wet dream.  This guy gets it all for free.  And people eat it up.  He is the talk around every water cooler at work.  Oh and did I mention he even found a way to shut the loudest guy on TV, Stephen A Smith, up?  Yep….

People always think of the pressure LaVar is putting on his kids but have you thought about it from the other side.  Think of how much pressure he is taking off?  For example the middle kid who sucks he is getting a full ride to UCLA….UCLA!  One of the most prestigious college basketball universities in the country.   If he didn’t negotiate that 3 for 1 (you get all kids or no kids) deal with UCLA do you think that kid would be getting that full ride?  Hell no.  Instead, he would be grinding to get into some lower D1 or D2 school getting pennies on the dollar compared to what that scholarship is worth.  I remember when I was in school I was grinding to get into FSU (insert some Gator joke about FSU being a shit school go ahead).  Anyways, that was a lot of stress.  These last two kids don’t have anything to worry about!  Let’s play the hypothetical and if Lonzo did only want to play for the Lakers or did want his own shoe brand he hasn’t had to be the one to come say it and look like that cocky 18-19 year old kid talking game he hasn’t earned.  LaVar does that for them!  He plays the villain.  I actually hear how many times that people go “Man I feel bad for these kids that they have such a shitty dad”.  Even people feel for the kids!  LaVar takes all of the criticism and deflects it off of his kids.  Is that not the definition of a good dad?  In the coaching world you are lauded for that, but this man is crucified?  Hypocritical.

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LaVar didn’t put his kids in AAU ball because he didn’t want them to play with kids who were already studs.  He wanted them to play with kids who had lesser ability so he could get his boys to raise the abilities of the other kids he was playing with.  Don’t bring up the younger brother dropping 92 because that was a high school game.  Not AAU.  Instead LaVar had his kids playing against older kids at a young age.  11 years old Lonzo was playing against 15 and 16 year old players.  I don’t care how talented you are go pick out a 16 year old high school kid and pick out some dweeb 11 year old and there is a HUGE difference in height, weight, maturity, skill.  He could have been playing against some of the same aged kids beating up on some bum AAU teams in the summer but instead he was getting his A$$ handed to by older kids.  You grow up quick like that.

Finally, LaVar Ball has managed to raise three, from what we can tell so far, pretty well rounded kids.  Take LaVar out of this, I have never heard Lonzo say anything from HIS mouth that seemed outlandish or crazy.  He is a pretty well-mannered kid and soft spoken which is crazy given the fact that he is 19 and has been a superstar since birth. We don’t hear him saying his teammates sucked at UCLA.   I don’t hear him coming out and saying he wants to ONLY go to the Lakers.  Sure does he WANT to go to the Lakers?  Absolutely, he is a hometown kid.  What kid wouldn’t want to go to their childhood team?  If I was a high school football stud I wouldn’t even need a visit to another school because it would be FSU by a mile.  Bucs for NFL, Magic for NBA, Swansea for soccer.  No brainer.

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Look there is 98% more people hating on LaVar but I tend to think it’s a bit of wizardry.  I commend him for being so different in a world of sheep.  I don’t know how this story will end but god I can’t wait.

#HambinoOut

Burying Hambino

I am only writing this article because Hambino bitched and moaned about me burying his mock draft post with something entertaining.  And because of that I decided to bury it with another article.  So, suck it.

While we’re at it Hambino continually calls me a glory hunter and how much better my life is as a sports fan is than his.  But let’s face it.  I would rather win championships than be a better team most years.  Who the hell cares if the last five years the Redskins have been better than the Buccaneers.  I can’t remember a Redskins Super Bowl yet he can remember a Bucs.  We’ve agreed on this point many times but for some reason he continually ignores it because the fact doesn’t validate his argument.  Typical Hambino with his alternative facts.  Let’s lay it out on the line here.  He may not be a die-hard just how I am not for some of these teams but here it is on the line.

He’s a Swansea fan, which granted sucks.  Being a Chelsea fan is fantastic compared to that joke of a club.  We’ve already covered the football route so he wins there.  Baseball he’s at least got to see the Rays go to a series while my Orioles can’t seem to make it past the ALDS.  Same argument holds up in Basketball.  The Wizards are finally good enough to run right into Lebron James at the height of his game while he’s seen his Magic get to a final.  Oh, and don’t get me started on my ever-disappointing heartbreak that is the Washington Capitals.

In summation, Hambino stop your bitching about how I am such a glory hunter.  I would rather watch anxiety free a terrible team with no chance punctuated by Championships than this continual mediocrity and heartbreak that is my sporting life.  At least we can both agree on the Noles and USMNT.  

I’ll Have….Another One

America and tailgating go hand in hand.  One is not truly an American unless he/she can successfully set up a tailgate.  *** Side note *** If “she” is planning the tailgate you need to go buy a ring and propose on the spot.  Those are like unicorns.  You hear about them but you have never actually seen one in the wild.  Back to reality,  so the question is when you’re setting up your tailgate for the big game what do you go with?  How do you know what beers to bring to please the people?  Are you normal for wanting PBR’s?  Well thanks to Vine Pair we have some numbers.  But we didn’t want some numbers and to just move on.  We like to analyze what we have been given and make sense of this glorious piece of information.
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So as you can see the 20 most popular beers include some of the big boys, Bud Light, Coors Light, Miller light, etc….But even a blind man could have told you in some way or another that those would be at the top. If you want to play the percentages then you have to go with Bud Light, Coors Light and Miller Light at your tailgate.  Let’s be honest, if we have to tell you that then you really shouldn’t be hosting a tailgate. However, after we get past the commercial kings that is where things really get fun.

Much to Trump’s dismay, and your wallet, Mexican import Corona comes in at #5.  Much like Trump’s policies Corona, from my experience, can split a room.  People hate it or love it.  If it is alcohol and you can put a lime in it to make it bearable I am all for it.  We all know a couple of those leads to a tequila shot, which leads to a night out, which leads to epic stories.  So if that’s what I get with a Corona sign me up.  Probably not the best tailgating beer but on a boat or in a bar can’t go wrong there.

The most fascinating part of this is how much the college kids boost the rankings of Natty Light, Busch Light and Keystone Light.  If you went to college and didn’t have a good ole Natty you are either going to Harvard, Yale, Cornell, where you are already so loaded that you don’t drink cheap beer or you are “one of those guys”.   Natty was the life line for me in college.  Hit the sketchiest gas station you could and throw the guy a $5 and your fake ID.  Once you built a rapport with the guy you were in there like swimwear.  But heaven forbid that man took a day off!  Saturday night when the crew was counting on you and you walk in and saw your boy wasn’t behind the counter it turned into a scene from Superbad and I was McLovin…

You could always spot the underage kid buying the beer with the fake ID when he was looking for Natty and Keystone.  But after a certain point surely you move on right?  It’s either fewer people move on than I thought or freshman in college are going HAM in the frat houses because they are killing it in sales and these beers are shit.  Regardless, if you’re at a college tailgate you better be ready to go back in time and Nata-pult some beers.  If you’re trying to die on a serious budget go for the Natural Ice.  Good luck waking up the next day after pounding those.

Apparently if you’re going to tailgate with some beer snobs but you’re on a budget according to BA score, whatever the F&%$ that is, then Miller Life and PBR are for you!  I guess this BA thing must be something relevant and some how Miller and PBR came in with scores of 63 and 68 respectively and the average cost is $15 a case!  What a deal!  Compare that with Natty at 43! With an alcohol percentage of 4.6 for Miller and 4.75 for PBR you can smash, please the snobs, and keep money in your wallet!  Who would have known!?

Don’t tailgate with Yuengling or Heineken.  You will end up with way too many to take home. NEXT…..

The last thing that stuck out to me when I was looking at this chart was this Bud Light Lime Straw-ber-rita thing.  Let make one thing clear, we all address the elephant in the room at some point after we get what we want and that is what do the ladies want?  We always look for the girliest drinks.  You can’t go wrong with Bud Light Lime but I didn’t even know this was a thing until this report from VinePair but I would have bought this for sure.  Here’s the only problem with this mystery beer?  Wait is this really a beer?   Anyways the problem is it is a whopping 8% ABV!   If you buy this for your girl and her friends and they are downing them in between selfies and bathroom breaks you are going to be carrying her home instead of the game.  Girls don’t normally drink more than guys as it is, unless your name is Tucker, so if you give them 4 of these puppies you’re screwed!  Good news is for us is this costs a boat load of money so you shouldn’t have too many of them in your ice chest of beers.

So what did we learn today?  Apparently America gives zero f&%$’s about this BA Score thing. You can’t go wrong with the ole reliable Bud Light, Coors, and Miller Light at your tailgate.  If you want to go international you go Corona.  Budget you stick with Natty, Keystone or High Life.  Want to die you go with Natural Ice or Bud Light Platinum.  If you want to be bringing your girl, or Tucker, home on a stretcher pick them up a case of these Straw-ber-itas.

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We’re close to Saturday.  Stay thirsty.  #SAFTB

Is it Football Season Yet?

Well Ladies and Gentlemen we’ve entered it.  That black hole of sports between the time that football ends and when football begins.  I know I’m not alone here.  Tons of people are so bored with their lives they completely forget the college football performances the year before and choose to vest all of their interests on watching what can really only be described as the Olympics Lite.  I lost all respect for this process when a wide receiver couldn’t catch a ball but because he was the reincarnate of the Flash, Darrius Heyward-Bay, first of his name, king of the butterfingers, lord of the terrapins, and the khaleesi of the grass sea went 7th overall.  I would like to say there is hope but there’s not.

dukesucks1Let’s start with the closest upcoming event.  March Madness.  As a Florida State fan, I’m really excited to see us maybe get to the Sweet Sixteen, so I can get my hopes way up only to see them dashed like a baby bird on a sidewalk.  The best part of March Madness for me is seeing Duke and Kentucky fans having this same devastation on their title hopes.  But here’s the problem Happy.  You aren’t any good.  Or at least not good enough for them to experience the same pain that’ll I’ll suffer.

Sticking with basketball… Cavaliers vs Warriors.  Even with Kevin Durant hurt, can we just please hit the fast forward button to get there please?

Oh wait I forgot Spring Training is here!   To me the best part of Spring Training is having an excuse to sit outside in Arizona and Florida the only time of the year it is actually bearable to be outside in those nursing homes that call themselves states.  For the rest of us who are stuck fighting the bartender at Buffalo Wild Wings asking her to please put on the Champions League matches but she can’t because some Braves fan is on his 3rd lip and 4th Michelob ultra is enjoying the only time this year his team isn’t 6 -252, it sucks.  Run on sentence?  Moving on!

“Great now Tuck Sauce is going talk about how soccer is the only exciting thing going on.”

steven-glansberg

                                          Steven Glansberg eating dessert by himself

Well f*** off imaginary voice invented by me to get the point of this article across.  The title race is over.  Chelsea have won it not because they’re incredible; it’s just the rest of the top 6 are garbage.  Liverpool have won twice in twelve matches, Mourinho is too far back, Arsenal will end up fourth and Tottenham… Well that joke is just too easy.  And continental soccer is even worse; unless you like French football which let’s face it, not even the French like.  So unless I want to watch Swansea and Middleborough battle for 16th, I’m stuck watching Champions League highlights on YouTube while taking my afternoon BM like I’m Steven Glansberg. (9-5 is so much fun).

But wait there is hope.  Yes, that bastion that keeps me sane through the roller coaster of Virginia winters.  That gentle music with Jim Nantz’s voice emanating through.  Yes, the only event on tour that even Tiger’s absence and Johnny Miller’s presence can’t ruin.  The Masters.  Chances are I’ll probably get the *flu* on Thursday and won’t move except to drink and ummm process Bud Lights until Sunday evening.  I know some of you are saying “Gold Jacket, Green Jacket who gives a shit,” but again imaginary dick head f*** off.  CMON JORDAN!

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And Who Would You Entrust Your Franchise?

nflThe Houston Texans, The Jacksonville Jaguars and The Cleveland Browns all have one thing in common. Or they all lack one thing in common. In a quarterback crazed culture, these teams lack what most people refer to as the key to the franchise. All three teams, among others, will most likely chase a QB in the early rounds in the hopes that one day they will complete their franchise allowing their fans to sit around a fire place, hold hands and sing Kumbaya. This is not the year too make that chase though.

Johnny Manziel is the name on all the draft experts list and its easy to see why. The former Heisman trophy winner is flashy and ballsy. His playmaking ability is second to none in the 083113-CFB-AGGIES-JOHNNY-MANZIEL-DC-PI3_20130831155021857_335_220country. He is also second to none in another category though. He is an idiot. Do you really want your franchise quarterback running around starting bar fights? A broken throwing hand due to punching the guy whose girl friend he was hitting on wouldn’t read well on your fantasy updates, none the less a team sheet. This anger issue has also manifested itself on the field in the form of persistent taunting. Combine all of this with lack of respect of authority and questions about durability and as a GM you have a recipe for disaster.

Teddy Bridgewater seemingly lacks the character issues of his peer, but hasn’t lacked the publicity. Last year Bridgewater responded to criticism around the strength of schedule surrounding his Heisman run by absolutely demolishing Florida. This was after a month of saying that no Big East offense could possibly overcome the mighty defense that an SEC team could field (Because apparently we forgot about the romping West Virginia put on teddyGeorgia). Bridgewater has accuracy by the bucket-load and coming out of a Charlie Strong system most likely means he is very disciplined. First round picks are valuable commodities though, and to spend one on an undersized player who had a mediocre season isn’t the best option. Bridgewater has a lot of upside but the first 10 picks of any draft should be reserved for players that will make an immediate impact.

Blake Bortles and Derek Carr fall into the same category for me. Both players draft stocks have massively increased due to impressive seasons. It is also not impossible for an elite QB to come out of a small school. The likes of Ben Roethlisberger, Joe Flacco, and Collin Kaepernick have all come from smaller schools outside of the elite conferences, and 2 of them have one Super Bowls and the 3rd went to one in his first season as a starter. However, to compare Derek Carr to Big Ben is not fair to either player. Blake Bortles struggled against Memphis, Houston and South Florida who aren’t what anyone would call tough opponents and Carr was upended by a weak USC side (the only real opponent the Bulldogs faced all year). With the body of work, there’s no way either one is a first round pick.

There is hope for the QB-less franchises that currently occupy the NFL, but its outside the first round. The likes of

Murray Between the Hedges

Murray Between the Hedges

Aaron Murray, Tajh Boyd and AJ McCarron should be available later in the draft since all three players lack the media attention. Any one that has watched Aaron Murray on film would put him well above Bortles and Carr, but his perpetually injured body of talent that surrounded him at Georgia this year put a damper on his NFL push. He also has a blown ACL but as a pocket passer this isn’t an overwhelming concern.  Tajh Boyd gets a terrible wrap because he was constantly beat up by FSU and South Carolina on the big stage but his wins over Georgia, LSU and Ohio State shows he can perform. Finally, AJ McCarron may be the best game manager in college football. Best of all, teams will be given a chance to develop these players since the pressure to start them will be considerably less.

hi-res-185381491-jameis-winston-of-the-florida-state-seminoles_crop_northQuarterbacks are important for the growth of a franchise and a great one can overcome a lot of flaws that exist in a team. The answer isn’t forcing a player not ready for it in that situation into it. The answer is simple. Build. If the player isn’t there, trade down and acquire picks. Picks are currency. Utilize the free agent pool and trade. Or wait and tank for Jameis Winston.  Football is a game of 3 phases, and a quarterback only affects one of those.

For more on the Quarterback Fallacy check out one of my other articles here.
Make sure to check out our Facebook Page and follow us on twitter @FSUfanatic2, or follow my Page and on twitter @TuckSauceSBDS

The Ugly Swan and Cowardly Lion Podcast 1.13.14

 

We start with Gene Deckerhoffs radio call for the Florida State National Championship game winning touchdown.

0:00-0:25

College Football

-Including our 4 teams that we think will make the playoffs next year!

0:25-24:45

 

NFL

-We talk NFL playoffs.  Who we think will win and what teams the hottest.

24:45-37:30

 

Premier League

-Suraez keeps up his run of goals. Another terrible officiating call costs a Premier League squad a chance at a point.  Even go over the game going on live in Aresnal v Aston Villa. We go over it all.

37:30-49:10

 

Transfer News

49:10-61:45

 

Lads Banter

Random chit chat.  The best part of our shows as always. Rory McIlroys future plans.  Whose hotter?  Messis wife or Ronaldos girlfriend?  We discuss Anchorman 2. CHELSEAAAA!

61:45-71:20

The Unsung Seminole Braves

It is easy in the Post-Game frenzy to remember and talk about the exploits of Jameis Winston, or the wall that was Timmy Jernigan.  It is easy to remember the effort of Rashad Greene or the redeeming touchdown catch of Kelvin Benjamin.  I am positive that you will always have Levonte Whitfield’s kickoff return in the 4th quarter that ignited the Seminoles sideline engrained in your memory.  Football though is the ultimate team sport, and without all three facets of the game, Florida State would’ve been left wanting.  So this article isn’t about Devonta Freeman or Lamarcus Joyner, rather the little guys that made lifting that crystal ball possible.

Karlos Williams transferred from safety to join Jimbo Fisher’s corp of running backs this year.  DespiteKarlos Williams fake punt spending most of the year behind both Devonta Freeman and James Wilder Jr. many people close to the organization said he was the most talented of all three.  Through hard work, Williams climbed into the number 2 running back spot prior to last night’s game.  And trust me he did not disappoint.  While his stats weren’t overly impressive (5 rushes for 25 yards and 1 reception for 0 yards) the small things he did, including the 5 yards he picked up on a fake punt to secure a first down, helped lift the Seminoles offense.  However his biggest contribution was leading the charge down the field in front of Whitfield’s kickoff return.  The slight block he made freed a lane for the explosive return man and put the Seminoles ahead.

chad abram's big score Chad Abram replaced FSU grinder Lonnie Pryor this year, not easy shoes to fill.  He might have only been on the field for a few plays last night, but when he was out there he made sure to make a difference.  Whether he was leading the charge for one of the three RBs or staying in to help block while the Seminole offensive line was being overwhelmed, Abram did what was asked.  He was handed the ball only once but picked up a crucial first down in the first quarter on a 3 yard run. He was rewarded for his efforts though.  Jameis found him out of the backfield and on his one reception of the night, Abram brought the Noles to within two points with some hard running.  Not content with his contribution, Abram also threw a block that helped spring Whifield’s kickoff return.

Roberto Aguayo might have been the most important player on the field last night for the Seminoles.  The Roberto Aguayofreshman kicker followed up his stellar season with a performance that can only be described as robotic.  Florida State having a weapon like Aguayo gives them a huge advantage over any other school in the country.  Alabama and Oregon had their championship dreams shattered because of poor kicking in one form or another.  However, Aguayo went the entire season while only missing one field goal and was perfect on extra points.  This brilliance lead to the freshman out scoring all Seminole opponents in the regular season.  And Nole fans remember Auburns kicker missed one and you won by three.  How ‘bout them apples.

There are many other Seminole players I haven’t talked about that played a huge roll in last night’s victory.  While the defensive line didn’t look the same when Timmy Jernigan was on the bench, the pressure generated by Mario Edwards and the run stopping of Jaccobi McDaniel cannot go unnoticed.  Also, while he was beaten a few times, Ronald Darby kept his head in the game and made some crucial plays down the stretch including a batted ball in the endzone.

NCAA Football: Miami at Florida State              Football is the ultimate team sport.  While the efforts of Jameis Winston and PJ Edwards will never be forgotten, we should still take a second to remember the roll players.  The Deon Sanders and Charlie Wards of the world have banners to commemorate their exploits on the football field.  The only thing some of these kids will have is a memory and a tivo’d copy of the game.  But they still made a difference, and deserved to be thanked.

 

Why I love Florida State Football

And do we really need a playoff?