Monday Bitch: Daniel Snyder

Brad Johnson, Jeff George, Tony Banks, Shane Mathews, Patrick Ramsey, Danny Wuerfell, LegendTim Hasselbeck, Mark Brunell, Jason Campbell, Tod Collins, Donovan McNabb, Rex Grossman, John Beck, Robert Griffin III, Colt McCoy, Kirk Cousins… What does everyone on this needlessly long list of names have in common?  They have started at the Quarterback position under the ownership of this knucklehead.  While it’s no Cleveland Browns situation, the list shows the complete instability of the third highest revenue generating NFL franchise.  The Redskins are one of the great NFL franchises but have been 125-162-1 and been to the playoffs only 5 times with 2 playoffs wins in the last 18 years.

So, what is the issue?  First, this micromanaging psychopath can’t let anyone do their jobs.  Ex-general managers and coaches alike have reported in confidence that the relinquishing of the reigns in public is completely for show.  This even extends to winning coaches that ignore his “advice”.  This action generally leads to break downs in communication and a hostile relationship. Washington Post Writer Sally Jenkins reports that Snyder often uses the tactic of suggesting a free agent to play the expensive live version of fantasy football he inflicts on the Washington faithful.  If a coach doesn’t submit to this grown-up adaptation of bullying they’re often forced out soon after.  Wait did Tuck Sauce just quote a source?  F*** yea I did!  Actual journalism going on at SBDS!  Anyone I digress from my tirade targeted at the bane of my existence.  Like bro, if Albert Haynesworth was completely my damn idea, I might take a break from berating my GMs.

Let’s talk about the final piece of this calamity; the fan experience.  You would think that the Redskins would be able to provide a decent fan experience since they can’t put a product onto the field.  But they don’t.  I haven’t been to every stadium in the NFL circuit but the games I’ve seen at Heinz Field, Bank of America, M&T Bank, and Lambeau are infinitely better than what I’ve had to experience at FedEx.  Now look, if you spend the money and get a club seat or a box seat it is a great experience inside.  However, FedEx is on the end of a metro line and that stop is a mile away from the stadium.  Additionally, if FedEx Fieldyou decide to drive; traffic is an absolute shambles.  Oh, and once you’re there, this douche nugget charges in certain areas for people to tailgate to drive them under the Bud light tent so you have the privilege of purchasing $14 dollar pints.  And don’t get me started on the cave.  Here’s a picture of an actual seat in FedEx from the cave that I took.  My seats were only 3 over from this disgrace.  Like da fuq?

Daniel Snyder is a typical example of a billionaire that treats his investment better than a drunken Bostonian treats his red headed step child.  Both passive aggressively criticizing and damaging self confidence in any way possible, and then cashing the kid’s paycheck he got from bagging groceries so he can buy another 40 of OE or whatever the hell they drink north of the Mason Dixon Line.  Was that a run-on sentence?  Damn I guess the illusion of actual semi-journalism is completely shattered.  But that’s how angry this dude makes me.

PS. Can you just sign Kirk Cousins to a long-term deal so we don’t have to start Brian Kirk CousinsHoyer in 2018? K, thanks!

Look, at the end of the day the dude has some massive cash and is making a lot of money, so you’d figure he’s not a complete and total idiot.  And it is technically his team.  However, braj if we stop buying jerseys and going to games because we get treated like a rock you’re trying to squeeze blood out of, that money is going dry up.  Damn, who am I kidding… is it football season yet?

Tuck Sauce’s Summer: Quest for 162

Hey everyone. As basketball, hockey and soccer gradually come to an end, I need something to enterain me through the monotoneus baseball season. You may not know but HB Hofbräuhaus Original is my favorite beer. However, I am willing to go on the pursuit of all pursuits to replace it. I am looking for 162 of your favorite beers on this thread to 1. find a new beer and 2. to show how ridiculous baseball is! I look forward to a ton of trips to Total WIne this year to get this done! Cheers!

  1. Blue Mountain Brewery Full Nelson 4 out of 6 Beers:
    • Blue Mountain Brewery #fullnelson #virginiapaleale first of all love a Virginia beer! However, it maybe the chili but the back end of this is way hoppy. Upfront this is a great beer. You know as a lager man its not my go to cause of the back end. 4 out of 6 beers for this one but another beer from this brewery will definately make it on the 162. But Hoffbrau is still 1-0.
  2. Sweet Water Brewery Sesh 2 out of 6 Beers:
    • … idk what this is Sweet Water brewery. I’m usually a huge fan of your beer but it tastes like you took an IPA and just added water at the end. I get that’s it’s a session but it doesn’t taste like you committed to any flavor. 2 out of 6 beers. Hofbrau Beer is 2-0 #illstillfinishit #tucksaucessummer
  3. Red Hook Brewery Long Hammer IPA 4 out of 6 Beers:
    • Damn Red Hook Brewery. Looking good shorty! Umm that’s not what I’d thought you’d taste like… citrusy? You been perfuming up haven’t you? 4 out of 6 beers for the Long Hammer IPA 3-0 to Hofbrau Beer#tucksaucessummer
  4. Old Ox Brewery Golden Ox 3 out of 6 Beers:
  5. Mustang Sally Article one 3 out of 6 Beers:
    • Ok Mustang Sally Brewing Company. Credit for being Virginia. Credit for the America reference. But mediocre… 3 out of 6 beers Hofbrau Beer 5-0
  6. Leinenkugel Cannoe Paddler 5 out of 6 Beers:
  7. Lagunitas Little Sumpin’ 5 out of 6 Beers:
    • Lagunitas Brewing Co well done! Nice spring citrus taste at the front but some hops at the back end. Very smooth for something that’s 64 IBUs! 5 out of 6 beers. Only one problem though . Can already feel after 3 sips it’s not something I can drink alot of. Hofbrau Beer on a Washington Nationals like streak and goes 7-0
  8. Great Lakes Brewing Eliot Ness 4 out of 6 Beers:
  9.  Hardywood Park Craft Brewery Pils 6 out of 6 Beers:
    • We have our first playoff contender! I’m not ready to give Hardywood Park Craft Brewery Pils a win here but definately worth a second try come fall! It’s so easy to screw up a pilsner. But this had a bunch of flavor but still had a crispness a pilsner should have! Hofbrau Beer 8-0-1 #tucksaucessummer 6 out of 6 beers
  10.  Privatbrauerei Gaffel Becker & Co Kolsh 4 out of 6 Beers:
  11. Port City Brewing Company Helles Lager 4 out of 6 Beers:
  12. Corona Corona Light 3 out of 6 Beers:
    • It was laying around and I needed a beer.  The non-light versions disgusting cousin.
  13. Devil’s Backbone Vienna Lager 5 out of 6 Beers:
    • I guess we really can’t call Devil’s Backbone Brewery a craft beer anymore since they sold their soul. For good reason though. It’s about the best lager I’ve ever had but nothing adventurous. 5 out of 6 beers for the Vienna lager. Hofbrau Beer 12-0-1. #tucksaucessummer
  14.  Samuel Adams Hopscape 4 out of 6 Beers:
    • Been waiting to try this beer from Samuel Adams for a while because I love their seasonal stuff. Little disappointed in this one though. It’s good but I think I built it up in my head too much. Oh yeah technical stuff. Crisp, light and hoppy 4 out of 6 beers #tucksaucessummer Hofbrau Beer is 13-0-1
  15. DC Brau The Public 5 out of 6 Beers:
    • Ok I know there are two beers in this photo but today is all about the delicious DC Brau Brewing the public pale. A great mild beer with the right balance of hops. Hofbrau Beer is 14-0-1 but this is definitely 5 of out of 6 beers. #tucksaucessummer
  16.  Firestone Walker Brewing Co. California Pale Ale 4 out of 6 Beers:
    • After the first trip to Total Wine & More I picked up this beauty from Firestone Walker Brewing Co.. The California pale ale has a great crisp taste up front. Perfect after the round of golf today. Not very hoppy which I enjoy means I can drink 6 of them in a day. Hofbrau Beer is still 15-0-1 but I’m definitely interested in trying more of their beer. 4 out of 6 beers. #tucksaucessummer
  17. Pilsner Urquell Pilsner 4 out of 6 Beers:
    • So two things. 1. Europe start making beer in 12 freedom units. 2. The Pilsner Urquell is a beer that tastes better in it’s homeland. Not really anything special besides the crispness. 4 out of 6 beers only because I had it in Prague and it’s hitting the nostalgia button. 16-0-1 #tucksaucessummer
  18. New Belgium Glutiny 5 out of 6 Beers:
  19. Anchor Steam Ale out of 6 Beers:
    • Anchor Steam fans don’t look now. I’m finding myself sitting here going da fuq is that after taste. As I click my touch and try to cleanse my pallet all I can think is you can’t justify an above average beer with this at the back. Yea it’s sour and I get beer is bitter but it’s like a film on the back of my throat. 3 out of 6 beers. Hofbrau Beer is 18-0-1 #tucksaucessummer
  20. Starr Hill Brewery Northern Lights 5 out of 6 Beers:
    • Starr Hill Brewery Northern Lights IPA and some bbq. What a winning combination! Nice smooth mild IPA easy but delicious drinking. 19-0-1 to Hofbrau Beer but this one gets 5 out of 6 beers.
  21. Rogue Brewing Company 4 Hops IPA 3 out of 6 Beers:
  22. Old Ox Brewery Alpha Ox 5 out of 6 Beers:
  23.  Lagunitas Maximus IPA 6 out of 6 Beers:
    • Lagunitas Brewing Co has put up a playoff challenge here. What a smooth beer for 8 percent alcohol. Light on the carbonation and at 72 ibus not bitter at all. Wow great IPA! 21-0-2 6 out of 6 beers for this one. #tucksaucessummer
  24. Kona Brewing Company Hanalei 3 out of 6 Beers:
  25.  Evolution Craft Brewing Company Lot 3 5 out of 6 Beers:
  26. Great Lakes Brewery Company Chillwave 3 out of 6 Beers:
    • Great Lakes Brewing Company chillwave is interesting. I’m kind of guessing it’s a double ipa I don’t really have a beer list in front of me. It has an odd after taste that I’m not a fan of. 3 out of 6 beers. Hofbrau Beer moves to 24-2.. Yes I dropped the middle number. I’m just going have a playoff at the end. #tucksaucessummer
  27.  Deschutes Brewery Mirror Pond Pale Ale 4 out of 6 Beers:
    • Deschutes Brewery are you sure this is a pale ale? I don’t taste any hops at all…. I award no points and may God have mercy on your soul. Well 4 points… out of 6… cause this is how this works. Hofbrau Beer is 25-2. #tucksaucessummer
  28.  Ballast Point Brewing Company Manta Ray 5 out of 6 Beers:
  29. Rogue Brewing Company American Amber Ale 5 out of 6 Beers:
  30. Jam Session IPA 4 out of 6 Beers:
    • My 30th beer comes from Jam Session Brewing Co. And it’s a pale ale. I had to take this pic quick cause I was at a wedding. Plus I look great in a suit. Hoppy but despite being an open bar I didn’t go back to get another one of these. 4 out of 6 beers. 28-2. #tucksaucessummer. 132 more to go. Let’s go.
  31. Shotgun Betty Heff 2 out of 6 Beers:
    • Umm Shotgun Betty… What is this. Your heff made me want to drown out the flavor with as many budlights as I could down in the next ten minutes to drown out your after taste. 2 out of 6 beers. #tucksaucessummer 29-2
  32.  Uinta Brewing Hop Nosh IPA 5 out of 6 Beers:
    • Uinta Brewing… this is really good. Like great balance of hops and flavor. 5 out of 6 beers for sure. If it wasn’t for a bit of too much sour on the back end it’d be a 6 for sure. #tucksaucessummer 30-2.
  33. Get Bent Brewery Mountain IPA 6 out of 6 Beers:
    • So I can’t find Get Bent Breweries page. But the Mountain IPA is a playoff contender so if any of my beer drinking friends can give them a shout out! 6 out of 6 beers 30-3!

Why You Are Wrong About LaVar Ball

I assume everyone will hate me after this but I don’t give a flying F-ety F.  So here we go….

Let me start by saying I may not totally agree with everything that LaVar rattles out of his mouth however I am here to do what no one else seems to do and that is defend this guy.  Now many of you may not know but there are three pretty, ehhhhh actually 2, talented kids named Lonzo, some middle kid who sucks, and then Lamello Ball who dropped 92 points on kids in a high school game.  They are of course overshadowed by the man in all the headlines by, their father, LaVar Ball.  I am actually pretty sick of the exposure he is getting already but it made me think this guy is a f-ing genius.  Take your hater-blockers off and look at it from the other side…..

I think LaVar is not as dumb/bad as people think.  He is taking a unknown route to build his brand BBB, Big Baller Brand, by not just signing off to Nike, Adidas, whoever the else makes basketball shoes.  Can we just stop for a second and think of how genius that marketing ploy is?  If you wear my stuff you are a Big Baller.  If you don’t you are a nobody.  That is elitist as it get in terms of ego and let’s be honest people eat that s^%& up.  Love that by the way.  While I do think that is dumb to initially turn down the guaranteed money and then just parlay Lonzo’s success into BBB, I got to give him credit on this point because the man knows how to market BBB.  Surely you have let it cross your mind that he says stupid things like “I would be Jordan in his prime” to create the headline.  He makes that kind of comment and it’s all over Facebook, Twitter, TV, morning shows, and radio outlets everywhere and guess what is all over the news?  LaVar wearing/talking about his kids brand.  FREE ADVERTISING.  I would love to see how much Nike or Adidas would have to pay to get that kind of free airtime.  That is a major companies wet dream.  This guy gets it all for free.  And people eat it up.  He is the talk around every water cooler at work.  Oh and did I mention he even found a way to shut the loudest guy on TV, Stephen A Smith, up?  Yep….

People always think of the pressure LaVar is putting on his kids but have you thought about it from the other side.  Think of how much pressure he is taking off?  For example the middle kid who sucks he is getting a full ride to UCLA….UCLA!  One of the most prestigious college basketball universities in the country.   If he didn’t negotiate that 3 for 1 (you get all kids or no kids) deal with UCLA do you think that kid would be getting that full ride?  Hell no.  Instead, he would be grinding to get into some lower D1 or D2 school getting pennies on the dollar compared to what that scholarship is worth.  I remember when I was in school I was grinding to get into FSU (insert some Gator joke about FSU being a shit school go ahead).  Anyways, that was a lot of stress.  These last two kids don’t have anything to worry about!  Let’s play the hypothetical and if Lonzo did only want to play for the Lakers or did want his own shoe brand he hasn’t had to be the one to come say it and look like that cocky 18-19 year old kid talking game he hasn’t earned.  LaVar does that for them!  He plays the villain.  I actually hear how many times that people go “Man I feel bad for these kids that they have such a shitty dad”.  Even people feel for the kids!  LaVar takes all of the criticism and deflects it off of his kids.  Is that not the definition of a good dad?  In the coaching world you are lauded for that, but this man is crucified?  Hypocritical.

Image result for lavar Ball

LaVar didn’t put his kids in AAU ball because he didn’t want them to play with kids who were already studs.  He wanted them to play with kids who had lesser ability so he could get his boys to raise the abilities of the other kids he was playing with.  Don’t bring up the younger brother dropping 92 because that was a high school game.  Not AAU.  Instead LaVar had his kids playing against older kids at a young age.  11 years old Lonzo was playing against 15 and 16 year old players.  I don’t care how talented you are go pick out a 16 year old high school kid and pick out some dweeb 11 year old and there is a HUGE difference in height, weight, maturity, skill.  He could have been playing against some of the same aged kids beating up on some bum AAU teams in the summer but instead he was getting his A$$ handed to by older kids.  You grow up quick like that.

Finally, LaVar Ball has managed to raise three, from what we can tell so far, pretty well rounded kids.  Take LaVar out of this, I have never heard Lonzo say anything from HIS mouth that seemed outlandish or crazy.  He is a pretty well-mannered kid and soft spoken which is crazy given the fact that he is 19 and has been a superstar since birth. We don’t hear him saying his teammates sucked at UCLA.   I don’t hear him coming out and saying he wants to ONLY go to the Lakers.  Sure does he WANT to go to the Lakers?  Absolutely, he is a hometown kid.  What kid wouldn’t want to go to their childhood team?  If I was a high school football stud I wouldn’t even need a visit to another school because it would be FSU by a mile.  Bucs for NFL, Magic for NBA, Swansea for soccer.  No brainer.

Image result for fsu kid flicking off

Look there is 98% more people hating on LaVar but I tend to think it’s a bit of wizardry.  I commend him for being so different in a world of sheep.  I don’t know how this story will end but god I can’t wait.

#HambinoOut

If You Wear a Men’s Romper I will Choke You

mens rompersOk, I wasn’t going to post today.  And to be fair this has absolutely nothing to do with sports, beer and/or food so I shouldn’t be posting about it.  However, I feel like this needs to be talked about.  If you are a dude wearing a romper and I see you anywhere at all, I will chase you down with the goal of eliminating you from the gene pool.  Seriously.

 

All fashion has its place in the world.  For instance, the only place in the world to wear Jortsmale jorts (or jean shorts for you not up on the hip lingo) is the swamp for Florida Gators football.  I don’t know why a bunch of Walmart shopping, 3 tooth having, Busch light drinking rednecks believe it’s appropriate to wear a form of clothing that has been out of style since 1985 to watch an offense gain 14 years over the span of 4 hours, but it is.  You’ll fit right in. #TimTebowWearsJorts.  Women you’re allowed to wear jean shorts as long as they have no longer than a 3-inch inseam.  And no mom shorts. PALLEASE. However, a romper for dudes has no place.

snuggieI’m not one to be completely against all stupid fashion trends as well.  I am pro Snuggie.  Yes, I know it’s just a robe turned backward making me take the whole thing off just to take a pee.  However, it keeps my arms warm while I upload inappropriate meme’s onto SBDS’s Facebook page.  This simple invention allows me to stay comfortable so I can entertain the 10s of you that read this nonsense.

Following up this whole romper nonsense.  Can we do away with rompers?  Every year during concert and baseball season I watch girls trade in Daisy Dukes and Sun Dresses for this hideous piece of garment.  And here’s a secret dudes.  They don’t like wearing them in public.  If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard a girl not wanting to use a public restroom because they have to get bare-naked to do a very simple act of nature, I’d have a whole 45 cents.  Seriously, humanity, I feel like this is something that we can all get behind! BAN ROMPERS!

My Monday Bitch: Jordan Spieth

Look for the last two years I have been this guy’s biggest fan.  His run in 2015 was Jordanunbelievable.  While it wasn’t the sought-after year grand slam, he won two majors, came in 2nd in a third and was a shot off a playoff in the 4th.  He was America’s golden boy, the person to carry American golf back to the forefront. He is dating his high school sweet heart and has a special needs sister he is heavily involved with. He was the one accomplishing what Ricky and Dustin couldn’t do.  But finally, after this weekend, I’m done with him.

Let’s start with how he continually barks at his caddie.  Originally, I admired this as a conversation of two team members plotting their way towards victory.  The outspoken and explosive Spieth and his mild mannered, calming rock Michael Greller making their way around the golf course.  Now, I am so sick of listening to him berate this poor dude on his bag.  I’ve been there as a caddie.  And I get after you chunk a 9 iron that costs you a 7 on a par 3 you want someone to blame.  But shit dude, I didn’t make the swing, I’m just here to give you a yardage and fill your divots.  So, shut the hell up and take some of the blame.

Speaking of taking some responsibility.  After nubbing a 9 iron into the face of a bunker and having to play the same shot over doesn’t make it “the dumbest hole you’ve ever played in your life”.  I mean bro, I’ve made a lot of doubles in my life.  And yes, if you are playing a municipal club with the tee box lined up at a 90-degree angle to the fairway, that’s 420 yards long, a fairway 15 yards wide, with OB lining either side and you have to play your second out of a divot that hasn’t been filled into to a bunker that hasn’t been raked since the Eisenhower administration, you can bitch about how stupid a hole is.  And yes, that hole exists and it’s not on a major championship course.

you're annoyingFinally, we can move on to what started this whole gripe.  Him taking a picture of a poorly raked bunker at the Players Championship this weekend.  Really, bro? Seriously?  First of all, 12 shot penalty for breaking out your phone. It’s not spring break, and as much as I love snap chat, this isn’t your Saturday morning round with the boys with Toto’s Africa piping over the jambox.  Which is probably what you were doing two days later since you didn’t make the cut you child.

I could tolerate all this immature nonsense if it wasn’t how much time he spent on TV.  Not only am I forced to deal with his constant bitching because he’s popular but also because he’d be the slowest player on the golf course during a Sunday morning match.  He’d be the dickhead grinding over a 3-foot putt in a 5 dollar Nassau and bitching when he missed it because there was a spike mark in his way.  Like bro get over yourself and get back to playing golf.

Keystone Key’s To Victory – DFS NASCAR

***BREAKING***

SBDS is picking up a ton of celebs since we relaunched and he’s here to slay the DFS NASCAR game.  Now if some of you missed it because you were clowning around at work or making your wife a sandwich because she’s got your balls then you aren’t making money on our DFS PGA article by Tony.  Safe to say he’s already cashing.  Matter of fact, I think I will go take my future winnings to the casino tonight and lay it on double zero and retire.  EASY MONEY.  However I like to #RiseAndGrind so I’m not going to just stop with my millions in DFS Golf.  I am going to take down NASCAR and we wan’t you to join.

Little backstory on our main man Matt Will:

  • He grew up outside of  Beckham Town, Florida.  If that doesn’t stick out as an automatic winner on the resume for “NASCAR Expert” I don’t know what will.
  • This guy has so much useless/fascinating information Jeopardy hired him to create the questions.
  • Try and find the last guy who called him a ginger…little hint, you wont find him because he is #SixFeetDeep
  • He once downed an 18 pack of Keystone before Danica Patrick finished a lap at Daytona.
  • He owns more guns than Russia.
  • ‘Merica
  • You want to know why you don’t hear about Sterling Marlin anymore?  You guessed it…#SixFeetDeep….#RIP#3 #YOUMYBOYDALE

So without further adieu, we bring you your second, or third paycheck if you did our PGA DFS, paycheck of the week.